two lovers under the lunar sun
...
with a shovel, a hoe, and a gun
...
This is where we close our eyes
and let the darkness fall
Tonight, this is our place,
this is our home
In silence we are one
Forever blind till we become
but a pair of bodies, adjacent
withering on the floor
Only you and I'll remain
till this becomes our special place, no more.
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Author's Comments
Started making this one yesterday. And it seems I've met an impasse when I met dawn. And I'm not so sure I'll be getting the writing mood anytime soon. Here's me hoping, that by uploading this one will make me wanna finish.
Tired of making haikus ... figures. *the middle stanza's supposed to be the last bit. I met an impasse at rhyming when I wanted to start the intro. Seems to me Sun and Gun are blocking words for rhyming |
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November 24, 2008
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Comments
no pressure but i'm looking forward to further developments on this, and if I may say, don't get too hung up on rhyming. subtlety can go a long way
--
Not 'For you I would die' but 'For you I live'
Of course, we'll be together
Before this, before that...
~Miyavi, "Itoshii Hito"
Thanks, I'll take this in mind.
--
Is there any
Greater disgrace for a poet than to
Extend his meaning beyond anything
That he ever could possibly say?
~ The smile passed on By Mahakasyapa
~ from sad to bad to slightly mad ~
I was going to say "Good job" but that might sound condescending cuz you haven't finished this one yet, and I want to clap but I'd feel like an idiot...
--
Not 'For you I would die' but 'For you I live'
Of course, we'll be together
Before this, before that...
~Miyavi, "Itoshii Hito"
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